Agreeing it between you
Most separated parents never go near a court. They agree who the children live with, how weekends and holidays work, and how decisions get made — and they change it as the children get older, which is what actually happens in practice.
If you can reach something workable, write it down as a parenting plan. It is not a court order and it is not binding, but it removes most arguments, because most arguments are about what was agreed rather than about the children.
The court's own starting point is that no order is better than an order.
Under the Children Act 1989, a judge will not make an order at all unless doing so is better for the child than not doing so. Parents sometimes hear that as the court not taking them seriously. It is the opposite — it reflects that arrangements parents build themselves hold up far better than ones imposed on them.
Where you cannot agree directly, mediation is the next step rather than court. A mediator does not decide anything or take sides; they help you reach your own agreement. It is faster and very much cheaper than litigating, and in most cases you are required to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting before the court will even accept an application.
How the court decides
The child's welfare is the paramount consideration. Not the fairest outcome between parents, not who left, not who has behaved better. The judge works through a welfare checklist:
- the child's own wishes and feelings, weighted by age and understanding
- their physical, emotional and educational needs
- the likely effect of any change in circumstances
- their age, sex, background and any relevant characteristics
- any harm suffered or at risk of being suffered
- how capable each parent is of meeting the child's needs
There is also a presumption that a child benefits from the involvement of both parents, unless involving that parent would put the child at risk. That presumption is about involvement, not about equal time — a 50/50 split is not a legal starting point and is often not practical once school, work and travel are taken into account.
Conduct between you as partners is close to irrelevant. Conduct as parents is not.
The orders available
Child arrangements order
The main one
Sets out who a child lives with and who they spend time with. It replaced what people still call custody and access, and the change in language was deliberate — the old terms encouraged parents to think in terms of winning.
Specific issue order
For a single decision
Where you disagree on one thing: which school, a medical treatment, whether a child is brought up in a particular faith, a passport application.
Prohibited steps order
To stop something happening
Prevents a parent doing something specific — most commonly removing a child from the country or moving them to a new school without agreement. These can be applied for urgently where there is a real risk.
Separately, parental responsibility is the legal authority to make decisions about a child. Mothers have it automatically. Fathers have it if married to the mother at the time of birth or named on the birth certificate for births registered from December 2003 onwards. Where a father does not have it, it can be acquired by agreement or by order.
If you do need to apply
- Before anything else
MIAM
A Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting with an accredited mediator. Required in most cases before the court will accept your application. There are exemptions, including where there is evidence of domestic abuse, genuine urgency, or child protection concerns.
- Application
Form C100
Applying for a child arrangements, specific issue or prohibited steps order. The court fee is £270, correct at 13 July 2026. Help with Fees can reduce or remove it on a low income.
- Around 4–8 weeks later
First hearing
Cafcass carries out safeguarding checks beforehand and reports to the court. The first hearing is largely about narrowing the dispute and seeing what can be agreed. A good number of cases resolve here.
- If it doesn't settle
Directions, reports, final hearing
The court may order a welfare report, which takes time. A contested case commonly runs six to twelve months or longer. Most still settle before a final hearing.
Moving away
Taking a child abroad to live requires the consent of everyone with parental responsibility, or the court's permission. Doing it without either can amount to child abduction, and the consequences are severe. If you are considering a move, get advice before you make plans, not after.
Moving within England and Wales does not require permission in the same way, but a move far enough to disrupt the existing arrangements can be challenged, and the other parent can apply to prevent it. In practice both situations turn on the same question: what the move means for the child, weighed against the effect on the parent of being refused.
Holidays are different. A parent named in a child arrangements order as the person the child lives with may take them abroad for up to 28 days without consent, unless an order says otherwise. Everyone else needs consent.
Child maintenance
This is separate from arrangements, and separate from the financial settlement between you as a couple. In most cases the Child Maintenance Service formula applies, based on the paying parent's gross income, the number of children, and how many nights they stay overnight.
You can agree a figure directly — a family-based arrangement — and many parents do. It is not binding, and either of you can apply to the CMS later. Where incomes are high or complex, or a child has additional needs, there are routes to go beyond the formula. See also financial settlements.
What it costs
- First call30 minutes, by phone or video
- Free
- Parenting plan or agreed arrangementsDrafting and advice
- £450–£900
- Consent order by agreementWhere you have already agreed and want it formalised
- £850
- Court applicationCharged hourly, estimated in stages
- £240–£295/hr
- Court fee for a C100 applicationPayable to HMCTS, not to us. Correct at 13 July 2026.
- £270
All figures exclude VAT at 20%. A MIAM typically costs £100–£150, paid to the mediator. Contested proceedings are charged hourly; we give you a written estimate before each stage and tell you promptly if it needs to change. Legal aid remains available for children matters in limited circumstances, mainly where there is evidence of domestic abuse — tell us your situation and we will say honestly whether you might qualify.
Common questions
My ex won't let me see the children. What can I do?
Start by putting a clear, reasonable proposal in writing — it matters later that you tried. If that gets nowhere, mediation is the next step, and a MIAM is required before applying to court anyway. If there is a real risk the children are being moved or kept from you permanently, tell us straight away, because there are urgent routes. Do not stop paying maintenance to force the issue; the two are legally unconnected and it will count against you.
Do mothers get preferential treatment?
No. There is no legal presumption favouring mothers. What the court looks at is the child's welfare and, in practice, the existing pattern of care — who has been doing the day-to-day parenting. That pattern often favours one parent, but it is about what has actually been happening, not about gender.
At what age can a child decide for themselves?
There is no age at which a child decides. Their wishes carry increasing weight as they get older and their understanding develops, and by the mid-teens they carry a great deal. But the decision remains the court's, and a child is never asked to choose between parents.
Does a child arrangements order last until they're 18?
Usually it runs until 16, and only in unusual circumstances beyond that. In practice arrangements change long before then as children's lives change, and orders can be varied by agreement or by application.
Can grandparents apply?
Yes, but grandparents normally need the court's permission first, because they do not have an automatic right to apply. Permission is often granted where there has been a real relationship with the child. Mediation is worth trying first; these situations are frequently resolvable without court.
What if I'm worried about the children's safety?
Say so immediately, to us and to the court. Safeguarding concerns change the whole approach: the MIAM requirement may not apply, urgent orders are available, and Cafcass checks happen before the first hearing. Do not sit on a genuine concern because you are worried about looking difficult.
This site is a fictional demonstration build. Wharfedale Family Law is not a real firm and nothing on this page is legal advice.